Sometimes I Don't Know-oh . .

Here is the crux of my self-concept.

Here is where I falter, regardless of the nature of my soul.

"Permanence, perseverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragements, and impossibilities: It is this, that in all things distinguishes the strong soul from the weak."
~ Thomas Carlyle

Consistency. Whatever anyone else sees, I struggle with an abundance of it in parts of my life I want dampened, muffled, salved or healed. I want consistencies elsewhere in my life. In mental movements which reach into the future and adjust my path as I go, instead of being drawn along by pathmaking entities which I fail to appreciate, much less want to understand.

I feel like I'm made of mush. Mind so often in the same sort of flux as the water in a wave ride, my body has formed an ugly sack of mostly water which is too disoriented from any singular purpose, that I bounce from familiar, comfortable wall to wall. My intentions dislodged with every new decision and the very passing of time.

Lyving with me is a maelstrom of nothing making matters momentous seem small, and personal anticipations, enormous.

Let sleep
drown me tonight
In solitary
confinement which
a self-imposed slight

Where no where can
distract my plans
and take from me the light
It's wonderful
to lose it all
when nothing makes it right

But I'm wonderin'
can I get it all inside
Is it happenin'
am I arisen from the night
And still I'm just not sure
there's too much in my sight

Enjoy...