Sunday, April 22, 2007

. . it's just the normal noises in here . .

once a week is ridiculous. And besides, does he really think I don't know what my problem is? What they are? I only freakin' clarify my understandings again, week in and week out and he just keeps hittin' on obvious shit which anyone with 8 credit hours of Psyche could figure out. Why the *@($ do I have to keep clarifying myself over, and over again. I get it. What I freakin' need is helping figurin' out what to do about it.

Sorry for being ambiguous. Talkin' 'bout the shrink again. Great guy. A lotta compassion and, 'sfar as I can tell, he's a pretty good psy-analyst. I'm just extremely certain that once a week ain't gonna cut it, and that this entire muthahfuckin' system short-circuits when it comes to helping people effectively.

It's like each session is starting from scratch in many regards, plus there's all the time in between when I need someone knowledgeable's intelligent input but that ain't gonna happen 'less I've some qualified friend around to bounce my insanity off.

fuck...
and there's nothing to say
cuz I won't go thru it

and there's nothing to do
'til I put myself to it

So I'll blame it on myself
cuz I can't keep anything down
anything down

however hard I do try

So talk amongst yourselves
while I try to figure it out
figure it out

I'll let you know in my time
And no, I'm not high. Not for 'bout a week now. Gave it up when deciding to get shrunk again. Just pissed at having to discover these kinda insane and unhelpful facts all over again.

But what the hell else am I s'posed to do? (rhetorical, that...)

Ain't like I'm gettin' any younger either. . . (And, no. I didn't need him to explain my age to me either. But did it stop him from trying? {sighhh})

9 comments:

  1. You could do it differently this time - relax. The harder you work on it, the worse it gets. It's going to take time anyway, so why not relax. I know that's easier to say than do, but what have you got to loose at this point?

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  2. When I was at the hardest time of my life, and I finally agreed to see a psychologist (who was an incredible woman), there was a point that I asked her to upgrade from once a week to twice. I felt a weekly mating is nothing, as it could not cover the past AND help me cope with the new challenges that kept poppin' up like bloody mushroom after da rain.

    Why don't you try that, Eh?

    In any case - it takes time. A lot of time. The only way to benefit from it is to accept that it's going to take a while.
    I know it's a paradox to advise you to relax when you are so pissed, but - hey, why don't you discuss that with your psych guy?

    And, above all: GOOD LUCK!!

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  3. Like so many things in this world, Madison Ave. has forever ruined my metal picture of this subject too.
    I can't get past the Geico Caveman getting a call from his mother.

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  4. Well, Bainsey, all I can say is all good wishes to you, and the old blog is a great place to vent.

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  5. Relaxing just made more possible by the fact that my friend took me running last night. Says I WILL get outta my head and get this "old" body in shape.

    Man is she patient too!

    I'm a very luck man at times.

    She and all y'all are proof of that.

    Thanks!!!

    (And Bob, I ain't sure if I totally dig or totally hate that Caveman schtick! LOL!~ Either way, it's in my head so I guess someone's done their job right.)

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  6. Yoga... lots of yoga. That'll help you get in the contemplative mind... at least, it works that way for me. Good luck!

    E

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  7. Nava speaks well....it does take patience, which is of course very difficult to come by when you are finally at the point where you feel you must do something NOW. Ah the paradox!

    It's also frustrating when you feel like you are well behind the starting line retreading on data you don't feel you need help with. But this person may be going at your history again differently to turn up a new angle, in other words, to figure out what brought you back. His or her job is to get to know you without any biases, which like it or not is what we all bring to our version of our story and our version of what we want to do. I was completely surprised by my outcome, and so might you be once things begin to move along.

    Be glad that you have engaged yourself and an outside counselor -- it won't take nearly as long to unravel the mystery now that you've made the leap!

    Thinking all good thoughts for you!

    MM

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  8. The harder you work on it, the worse it gets.

    That might have been my problem as well. The one time I tried therapy, I fired my therapist after about 8 sessions because I just couldn't take all the noodling around. I'm way to goal oriented for therapy.

    Hey Michael... I like the running idea. Git out of yer body there Mr. Primate. Gonna go back to it myself momentarily--after a decade's lapse. Need to improve my health which really started to decline when I stopped running.

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  9. Thanks E! I've done a little Yoga in my time. Still mix it in when I just don't feel I've energy for other kind of workouts.

    Thanks to you 2, MM. Your email along those lines was much appreciated as well. (Talk 2 ya l8r, eh.)

    I'm not so goal oriented, frogmigo, and I'm trying to get there, so your point is spot on. I'm needin' teh shrink to get over my wishy-washy-ness!!! Not to encourage it! d'oh!

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